The 12 Days of Christmas for MOMS

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Two gin and tonics and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
FIVE MAIDS TO CLEAN! Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Six nights in Cabo, FIVE MAIDS TO CLEAN! Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Seven days no whining, six nights in Cabo, FIVE MAIDS TO CLEAN! Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Eight hours of slumber, seven days no whining, six nights in Cabo, FIVE MAIDS TO CLEAN! Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Nine hours of Netflix, eight hours of slumber, seven days no whining, six nights in Cabo, FIVE MAIDS TO CLEAN! Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Ten loads clean laundry, nine hours of Netflix, eight hours of slumber, seven days no whining, six nights in Cabo, FIVE MAIDS TO CLEAN! Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Eleven choc’late truffles, ten clean loads of laundry, nine hours of Netflix, eight hours of slumber, seven days no whining, six nights in Cabo, FIVE MAIDS TO CLEAN! Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and alone time to read a f***ing book.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Twelve million dollars, eleven choc’late truffles, ten clean loads of laundry, nine hours of Netflix, eight hours of slumber, seven days no whining, six nights in Cabo, FIVE MAIDS TO CLEAN! Four pairs of leggings, three mgs of Xanax, two gin and tonics, and ALONE TIME TO READ A. F*CK. ING. BOOK!