It’s time to stop saying “gay lifestyle,” okay? Thanks.

Can we please STOP USING the words “gay lifestyle?” Okay? Great, thanks.

End of post.

God, would I LOVE to stop right there, go to bed, and wake up to millions of comments like “You are right, there is no such thing as a “gay lifestyle,” or “Wow, I’ve been a homophobic asshole my whole life, but that one sentence turned me around.”

But, let’s face it, you and I both know that’s not going to happen, so once again from the top:

STOP SAYING “gay lifestyle.”

Does anyone say heterosexual lifestyle? Do they? 

No, they don’t.

Because THERE. IS. NO. SUCH. THING.

A “lifestyle” is, like, whether you choose to go to a gym or work out at home, drive or take mass transportation, wear underpants or go commando.

The operative word here is CHOOSE. You CHOOSE your lifestyle, you DON’T CHOOSE your sexual orientation any more than you can choose to have blue eyes or brown.

I mean, if people had the balls to admit what they really mean when they say things like “I can’t support the gay lifestyle” or “love the sinner, hate the sin,” they’d come right out and say:

“I don’t want to think about some dude sticking his dicktionary in another dude’s library.”

To that I say, THEN DON’T THINK ABOUT IT.

But, for the love of god, just because something is unappealing to you doesn’t make it WRONG or undeserving of the same human rights as YOU.

Also, being accepting of a thing does not mean becoming the thing. The LGBTQ community accepts heterosexuals as a valid form of sexual expression, but that doesn’t mean they have to actually have sex like you do.

“But, what about the Bible,” you ask?

Look, I was raised in the Southern Baptist church, and though I wouldn’t step foot back in there even if they promised to put my kid through college AND pay off my mortgage, I know me some scripture.

So, to the people who use the Bible to defend their anti-LGBTQ views, I say:

(((MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MINDS)))

The Bible says a lot of things, but it literally NEVER SAYS “Readest thou this book and chooseth whatever thou likest best.”

And I mean, let’s face it, if you’re gonna take the Bible literally, then you’re gonna have to give up most of your shit (Luke 12:33), stop going to Red Lobster (Leviticus 11:10), and stay married to the asshole who beats you (Mark 10:9).

I need people to step away from the Bible, use their brains for something other than obsessing over where to find the coolest Pokémon, and realize that people of the LGBTQ community are not living “gay lifestyles” they are living…

(Wait for it.)

THEIR LIVES.

Just like everyone else.

And in most cases, it’s the same boring-ass life as heterosexuals—eat, sleep, work, poop, and look at Facebook.

Well, almost the same.  There are a few very important differences. LGBTQ people don’t get to walk around feeling accepted everywhere, like they belong everywhere, like they are as safe everywhere as their heterosexual friends are.

Furthermore, no straight male or female has ever had to sit their parents down and talk about how they like to have sex, which is basically what “coming out” is.

Seriously, think about that for a minute.  What straight person reading this has ever had to call their parents and talk about the ways in which they like to sex up their sex partner. Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable?

I could swallow three Xanax and a thermos full of Beefeater and I still would have a hard time saying, “Mom, Dad, I like Janes not Johns. And I know according to what you believe I’m bound for the fiery pits of hell, but I’d rather go there than face another man’s dangling participle.”

Because, no. Just… no.

Despite the discomfort, the majority of LGBTQ folks do it anyway.

I want to live in a world where nobody has to discuss their sexual preferences with anybody if they don’t want to. Where EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE can get married to ANYONE they want and enjoy the more than 1,000 civil, medical, and tax benefits of doing so. Where going to a bar never means wondering if you’re going to get shot mid-cabbage patch because of who you love.

Help me make the world a better place by not oppressing an entire segment of the population with ignorant clichés and pointless rhetoric, because, once again for the cheap seats in the back:

There is no “gay lifestyle” there is just…

LIFE.

End of Post.

(For real this time.)

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Image: Funnyjunk.com