With a backlog of trepidation and a jittery spirit, I entered a writing contest yesterday. The kind that depends on public voting to win in only 24 hours at yeahwrite.me.
Shortly after I entered my post, Love Never Dies, I had a panic attack. My thoughts raced like a caffeinated kindergartener.
What was I thinking?
I only started writing this blog last week, so who was I to join the ranks of seasoned writers who have thousands of words in print and who have won this award and other respectable awards already?
Who was I to dare so greatly in my state of depression? If I lost, was there any chance that my recent state of emotional equipoise would be tipped toward the dark side?
Wasn’t entering this competition tantamount to some self-centered plea for attention? Was I just trying to get likes, comments, and followers? If so, was this extrinsic sort of motivation really illusory, therefor pointless?
Who am I to be so bold? I’m not a writer!
The salve to this emotional burn came when I ran across a quote that has become a favorite inspiration for me by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? … Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. …And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Winning the yeahwrite.me #160 crowd fave award today gave me a boost of self-confidence, and will help motivate me to write more. The many kind comments I received are what I will return to when I need to remember that I am, indeed, a writer.
But, more than winning, I see the process of questioning my motivation and finally landing on the realization that I am most frightened of my light not my darkness and playing small does not serve the world, as the best prize of all.
I hope now that I’ve been humbly “liberated from my own fear” that my story will, as Ms. Williamson says, “automatically liberate others.” (This means YOU!)
If you are new to blogging, writing, poetry and the like, I encourage you to check out yeahwrite.me. It is a super friendly place to be!
The contest was filled with amazing writers. You can check them out here.